The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries immense significance and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay men want to discover out from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry visit risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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