The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to exceptionally hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .

When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, why not look here states that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay men wish to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

However, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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